If you would like to practice laughing at Blondes again, you might snicker remembering these:
A blonde walked up to the checkout desk in the library and said "I would like a Coke and A Big Mac." The librarian looked at her in disbelief and replied "I wonder if you know exactly where you are. This is the public library."
"Oh" the blonde whispered "I would like a Coke and a Big Mac."
There was this little Blonde on one side of the lovely lake and she saw another Blonde on the other side, so she called "How do you get to the other side?" The other Blonde answered
"You are on the other side!"
Click here to hear Dottie tell this one (not great recording quality)
Why do blondes wear extra large shoulder pads? To protect their little ears as they flop their little heads from side to side saying "I don't know! I don't know!
Two blondes were looking in the mirror. One said, "Boy this face looks really familiar. I wonder who it could be?" The other one grabbed the mirror, looked in and said
"Well no wonder its so familiar, it looks just like me!"
A Blonde who needed money decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him "I've kidnapped you. " She then wrote a note saying "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the North side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde."
The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.
The next morning the Blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The Blonde opened up the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said,
"How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"
A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor who asked what had had happened? "I was ironing and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief.
"But what happened to your other ear?"
"The son-of-a-bitch called back!"
One day a blonde decided that she was fed up with blonde jokes and the idea that blondes are stupid. So she decided to show that blondes are actually very smart and capable by painting a couple of rooms while her husband was at work. That afternoon her husband came home, smelled paint and found his wife on the floor in a pool of sweat. She was wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat so he asked "What are you doing dressed like that in the house?" She told him that she was painting the house to prove that blondes are actually very smart. He then asked why she had a ski jacket over her fur coat and she replied that the directions on the paint can said
"For best results, put on two coats."
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on all channels and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond. The K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a tight leash. The woman ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps, put her face in her hands and moaned.........
"I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!"
It's the evening of Christmas eve and our beautiful blonde bachelor girl is ready and waiting for Santa. As he comes down the chimney, she snuggles up close in her black negligee and says "Hi Santa! I've been waiting for you. You can stay can't you?" Santa pulls away and proclaims
"Oh ho ho - got to take the toys to the girls and the boys!"
"But Santa" she pleads "I've been such a good girl all year, and I've got the martinis all cold and waiting." Again she snuggles up so enticingly and pulls her gown close to her lovely body and runs her fingers through his snowy beard and again "Please, Santa, just a while, won'tcha?"
Santa's reply "Ay Hey Hey, Might as well stay! Can't get up the chimney this way!"
Click here to hear Dottie tell this joke.
A blonde had car trouble on the freeway. She got out, opened the trunk and two disreputable looking characters climbed out. They stood behind the stalled car and flashed open their raincoats exposing themselves to all who passed by, including a patrolman. The cop pulled over and asked the blonde why these two characters were positioned behind her car.
She replied
"Why Officer, those are my emergency flashers!"
A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it. "Impossible" says the doctor. "Show me."
She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams and so it goes on.
The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette are you?"
She says "No, I'm really a blonde."
"I thought so" he says. "Your finger is broken."
Click here to hear Dottie tell this joke.
A blonde was trying to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it because the car had almost 230,000 miles on it. One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon. The brunette told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal." "That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "if I can only sell the car." "Okay," said the brunette. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will 'fix it'. Then you shouldn't have a problem anymore trying to sell your car."
The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, "Did you sell your car?"
"No" replied the blonde "Why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it!"
Click here to hear Dottie tell this joke.
A guy is having a drink in a bar. A lot of drinks. A very dark bar. He leans over to the big woman next to him and says"Do you wanna hear a funny blonde joke?"
The big woman replies "Well, before you tell that joke, you should know something. Sure, I'm blonde, and six feet tall, 210 pounds and I'm a professional triathlete and bodybuilder. The blonde woman sitting next to me is 6 feet 2 inches and 220; she's an ex pro wrestler. Next to her is a blonde who's 6 feet 5 inches, weighs 250 pounds and she's a professional kick boxer. Now, do you still want to tell that blonde joke?"
The guy blinks and swallows, thinks about it a second and says; "No, not if I'm going to have to explain it three times."
A cheerful blonde greets her co-worker with "T-G-I-F!"
He replies "S-H-I-T"
Undaunted, she repeats "T-G-I-F!" and he repeats "S-H-I-T."
She says "Don't you know TGIF means Thank Goodness Its Friday?"
"Sorry Honey, Its Thursday."
A blonde, brunette and a redhead belonged to a swim club which had a breast stroke race across a huge lake. The contestants dove in, swam and the redhead and brunette arrived at the other side. But the blonde arrived very late. She was asked "What happened? The redhead and brunette have been here forever!"
"Well of course" the blonde replied. "Those bitches! They cheated -- they used their arms!"
Click here to hear Dottie tell this one.
A blonde and a redhead pass a flower shop where the redhead sees her boyfriend buying flowers. She sighs and says, "Oh, crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again."
The blonde says "What's the big deal, don't you like getting flowers?"
The red head says, "Oh sure..... but he always has expectations after giving me flowers, and I just don't feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air."
The blonde says "Don't you have a vase?"
A Young Blonde in Louisiana wanted a pair of alligator shoes but couldn't pay high New Orleans prices. "I'll just catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes for free." She stomped out of the store and headed for the swamp. Later, as the shopkeeper drove home, he spotted the blonde standing waist-deep in a bayou, shotgun in hand, with a huge alligator closing in. She took aim and shot the creature between the eyes. The shopkeeper watched in amazement as she struggled to haul the carcass onto an embankment where several other dead alligators were lined up.
"Oh, no!" the blonde shouted in dismay. "This one isn't wearing any shoes either!"
A lovely blonde is at home when she discovers that Horrors! There is a fire in her apartment so she quickly calls 911! They ask how to get to the apartment and she says
"Why, in those cute little red trucks, of course!"